~Holiday Targets~

One of my weakness is free time, which is so abundant during the holidays.  Weakness? Yes, for I am admittedly less committed to do extra ibadah, and also tend to laze around more.  This is 

a weakness which I try to fight everytime holidays come, to be istiqamah and fill in my holidays

 with worthwhile activities, which develop my skills and increase (NOT decrease!) my imaan.

Hence, during this nearly-two-month break... there are a few plans I've made to fill up my days...

>>Reading islamic books to increase my knowledge of the deen, and most importantly, to increase my faith and amal.

some of the targetted books for the holidays...

given by a sister from US.. only started reading 2-3 chapters 

something I had already read a lot before.. but still have a few chapters left...

a book I had planned on reading a long time ago, but never had the opportunity to really read it (or did not allocate my time enough to do so)

>> Books to study... (getting ready for next semester)

TITAS: reading it early on.. so I don't repeat the mistakes I did this semester with Hubungan Etnik: finished reading the book 3days before the exam. huhuhu...

also.. perhaps i have to review all my note from this semester and last semester.  Clinical is getting much tougher these days...

>> Joining camps and workshops as facilitators/ participants whenever I can.  This will help me a lot.. to increase myself in many aspects... social skills, tarbawi... and the list goes on..

actually, I've been searching for something... a feeling that I get during a camp a few years ago... the feeling which aspires me on, to help out and spread the Deen.  Now I'm trying to find that aspiration again..

first stop? a camp on 18th November... i'll write bout it here, insyaALlah..

>> Family activities n time outs... really, we haven't gathered together as often as before I went to varsity, but I very happy to say that all of us, my brother included, is now under one roof, Alhamdulillah... (^_^)  as of a plan? A family vacation will perhaps be on one of the agenda, insyaAllah...

>> learning skills... lets see... cooking, continuing my driving lessons, and maybe take up the sewing lesson which i took up halfway after SPM.

A lot of plans?  Yup... but hopefully I can get them done.  Well, as the saying goes, aim for the stars, if u fall, at least you'll fall to the clouds.  May the holidays not be wasted, and I can mantain my istiqamah... ameen..

Hm... what about your holiday plans? made any yet? (for those having their holidays the same time as mine)

KERIS 2008 (Part II)

Lets see... where should I start...

Well, i decide to begin by telling a bit of a background of the school and its students, as told by the teacher who asked me and my friends to help at the school. The school is very new, just 4 years old. Its pupils are mostly Chinese, with only 30% of them Malay. So.. the idea of the camp, which stands for Kem Remaja Islam, or KERIS was first brought up by a teacher who saw the pressing need for the 30% of the Malay population to increase their knowledge of Islam, as their way of life. With a hope that they will be more aware of what becoming a Muslim means, as well as to gain more knowledge on excelling themselves as Muslims are supposed to be excellent in everything they venture.

As I had mentioned in my previous post, I was feeling quite unprepared, yet the teacher in charge of the camp, Cikgu Zamree prepared us a bit, telling us of some of the students problems and such. The girls, as what he told us, did not really understand Islam that much. A few shaved their eyebrows... while quite a few did not really understand about 'aurah, covering their hair only inside schools. Yes, maybe something very common in normal public schools, yet me, and also the rest of the facilitators, have not much chance to meet these types of teenagers, as we are mostly from Islamic schools or boarding schools before entering university.

One of the first activity: Ice breaking -
The students are still a bit reluctant to leave the comforts of their home at the time

Yet, upon facing the students for the first time, I discovered that they are all the same with many of us... nice, eager to get to know us all, and very friendly. Many were helpful as well. Well.. I was taken aback. No, I don't mean to say that I was expecting them to be all problematic. But I realized then that most of them are nice, just like any other people elsewhere.

However.. I had been able to realize soon after, during an LDK session on the second day, that these students need people who can tell them about Islam. They need us to show them what being a Muslim truly means. No, not the exam/sylabus Islam, but the real Islam, one they can relate to at every step of their journey in life.

For many of them, when asked generally of the three basic questions of where are we from, why are we here, and where are we going to go to in the end, they can perhaps only answer confidently the last question. Which is very sad. For these basic questions is why Islam is sent to us. They are lacking of people who can truly guide them to see what Islam really means. Yes, they need us to be there to tell them. Suddenly at that point, I realized that, the two nights and three days we're spending with them is not enough. Not enough to guide them to see the light of Islam. A deen, which, as rightfully pointed out by a participant, is now only left to them as an inheritance. A very scary reality indeed. I wish for these kind girls and guys to see the beauty of Islam, to feel Allah's kindness in showering his Rahmah to them all.

Sadly... not many people realize this now.. I hope I can help out. Yet.. how much can I do?

Of course, as most camps, there are many other activities besides just talks and group work. The participants enjoy themselves with treasure hunt and morning aerobics as well as a few other activities, all with an attempt made by their teachers to make the activities more Islamic than usual. Oh yes... not forgetting the reflections time the last night we were there, where I hope the students were able to at least reflect the life they had have. I personally reflected quite a lot of my life as well, and admittedly, cried. Cried for forgetting to be thankful as often as I should have, and for hoping for more and more, without realizing that Allah had given me so much already.

But I enjoyed the chances of eating with these new friends of mine most. For I was able to talk to them and interact more, than any other time. Thanx to Cikgu Zamree, we were all able to mingle with the students a lot while eating, as he was the one insisting us to eat together. I got a few chance to discover many bubbly personalities under these girls initial shyness, and many other things.

Alhamdulillah.. thank you to Cikgu Zamree, who invited us there, despite the fact that we're all inexperienced. And not forgetting my friends who invited me along, and shared many of their own jewels in helping these teenagers navigate their way through life's challenges ahead. A special thanx to Allah the Almighty; who deserved most of my thanks for giving me the chance to be there, meeting them and gaining a valuable experience of today's reality. Also for letting me understand and guiding me to this path now. May all of us stay in this path towards Him until the end, insyaAllah. May all uf us are given the strength by Allah to work untiringly in upholding Islam...regardless of where we are, or whatever our future may be.

I hope that the students will find and be grateful for the deen inside their hearts, and be successful, not only here, but most importantly in the hereafter. Insya-Allah, if Allah permits me, I will go back to the school some day, to meet again these teenagers who have made a difference in my life. Opening my mind to the reality of the ummah, who mostly do no realize of Islam, though many are very kind at heart.

**sorry for the really long entry, and the many mistakes or repetitions.. Must be coz i'm already sleepy. Sorry again.. (^_^)

Ukhuwah is Sweet >> Spending Time Together is So Fun

Yesterday was fun!!Alhamdulillah....Jazakillah to all the makcik2 who made the outing happen. and also..thanks to them for the previous discussion session, of course.. it was a gem.. a very precious gem of the week... a week's provision for my imaan. insyaAllah, if time allows it, i will share those gems here. The works of translation and typing must be done first though.... really got to be closer to the friends in Johor. if previously we only met mostly at formal sessions, this time it is a bit different, which is nice. And u guys sure are good at playing those games..

the archery session... that was super fun. we went laughing all the way. and took a lot of pics. hope the person with the camera can send some pics to me. Though... undoubtedly my left hand is still sore from pulling the bow. Archery made me wonder... how did the sahabahs did it during the war? How did they untiringly shot arrows upon arrows, whereas i am absolutely tired by the tenth arrow i shot. and how did they manage to shoot fast moving targets as well... I did not manage to even shoot well the target circle (is that the name for it? hehehe..). I think I was enjoying myself a lot, and alhamdulillah, i even get a free game from the guy taking care of the counter. (^_^)

Bowling time was also nice. Though i was a bit sad because not all of us get to go. One car went back earlier. But the game was fun. Though yesterday i didn't really play well, but hey.. i don't mind much. Because being there with them all is fun enough.

Thank you..to the people who made the outing possible. And thanks to those who let us 'tumpang' their cars to the mall. and thank you.. to all of you who came. and thank you, Allah... You let me meet up with those great people, and allowed me to be there with them.

To those of you entering university after this, i'll be missing you guys..

>>Ukhuwah is beautiful... if we can meet and part in the cause of Allah<<

take good care of your imaan wherever you are. Remember the jewels we had gained yesterday, and all those we gained previously. Use them well... and search for more where you are. May we still be in this path towards Him wherever we are, and remain in this path, till we meet Him, out Owner and Creator.

Uhibbukum fiLlah wa liLlah..abadan abada!!

In a Dilemma.....

okey... i'm back to writing, Alhamdulillah...
though i've to admit, i owe another two posts here, the 'part 2 of pearls for the holidays' and also the confession.

well... i was browsing through my my debate yahoogroup mails... and suddenly discovered these debate motions for the recent Arau tournament. and i AM very surprised....
the motions (well..some of them..)

• That we would disallow the hijjab in all public offices
• That we would disallow parents to reject life-saving treatment for their children on religious grounds
• That the government would remove religion from public education

i was stunned... undoubtedly. yea.. i love debating. Because thru i, i learnt so much. And thru it, i've made many friends and grow a lot, as a person. Yet now... i am in a dilemma. Whether to continue debating or not. For suddenly, these sort of motions contradict with my principles. No, it's not just suddenly. I have been slightly feeling somewhat like this before, though not as intense.

That was during last semester's final practice camp before the AUDC at IIUM. I didn't join in the tournament for some unavoidable reason. But the practice went well at first. Everything was great. But this motion came up... " This House Believe That Cohabiting Couples Should be Protected". Yes, undoubtedly I was shocked. It was just so very immoral! from a muslim's point of view, at least. But Alhamdulillah, at the time, my team was chosen to be the opposition. So i was just on the stand that the motion cannot work. But at that point, i imagined what it would be like if I am forced to be the government. What will I say? Will I really be able to talk of something so obviously against my own belief? then afterwords, my friend got this other motion.. "This House Believe that Middle East Should Follow Western Liberal Democracy". That was like..wow.. how badly would i NOT want that to happen.

So i think my point is straighten out. I am in a dilemma for these types of motions, which goes against my own stand as a Muslim, and as a Da'ei. What will people say if they watch me debating, upholding something haram? What will I feel of myself? And furthermore, and what I am most scared of, what will Allah think of me?

Yes, debating is fun. Debating opens up a wide world of knowledge. I learned about world problems, get to know stuff from different views, learn about messy economics, and so much more. also not to mention amazing friends and improvements to how quick i get to come up with things, as it forces me to think on my feet. BUT... will I be able to continue after this? Will these problems be over? How may I face my team mates at collage? I truly hope i can find out the best way out of this mess. The best way to put my foot forward. so I will not disappoint myself, my friends and most importantly, Allah...

To my friends and readers.. if you have any idea at all, please drop your comments and views on the matter. I hope it caan help me sort thru things. May Allah guide us all in our way towards Him...

..: Nafs vs Iman - Who is Winning??:..

Haven’t been writing any entries for a while…

I mean, real entries, not just a bit here and there, nor forwarded ones or from other people…

Hoping to write something tomorrow, yes, alhamdulillah, I have something to share… but I’m feeling too tired today to type them up now. Today has been a busy day for me, one that is full of self reflections of the past few weeks of my life. Yea, I'll share what gemstones i have found today from those around me here, insyaAllah tomorrow.

a confession: I’ve done something I should not have, and really regretting them now… but I’m not ready to write them down here. I’ve to try and improve first. Repent and let go. Hope that Allah will forgive me or the mistake I did. Thank You Allah, for friends that care and help me see my wrongs. Thank You also for not taking me deeper into the mess I’ve made. And thank You for making me realize that what I did was WRONG, and giving me this strength to stop before I did anything more foolish.

I’ll write the experience in here, insyaAllah, when I’m ready… but the time may not be today, nor tomorrow. One day soon, hopefully. But thank you, to all my friends out there, virtual ones and real ones, who have prayed for me as their sister in Islam, and also for all of those who had thought me what it meant to be a Muslim, and the face of nafs, jahiliyyah and syaitan.

May Allah’s light always glow inside our hearts, insyaAllah…