Flashback, and a Dream

Recently, my brother came back from his journey to the place where millions of Muslims go every year. That's right, Makkah al-Mukarramah and Madinatul Munawwarah. He spent his mid year holiday there, doing umrah and visiting the places where Rasulullah PBUH and his companions had lived, strived and fought, in order to uphold Islam. His photos have had me travelling thru memory lane, reminding me of my own trip when I was in form 4. And yes, I really, really miss being in the Haramain.

Alhamdulillah, Allah had given me the opportunity to go there, to see and experience for myself the peace and tranquality of humbling myself before The Almighty in front of the Ka'bah and witnessing the place where the messanger of Allah had worked so hard to spread the words from Allah. I was unable to describe the waves of emotions that surged through me at the time. My prayers focused, my heart calm, and tears of taubah and happiness ran down easily from my face.

I might not remember all the visits to the numerous places along with the haramain, but I kept thinking of how much the first generation of Muslims had given themselves for Islam, selflessly, with every possible way. May Allah bless them, and may Allah allow us to meet them in Jannah, insyaAllah…

One thing I do remember is that, by the will of Allah, when I went there, it was just after one major turning point of my life. A time when, just previously, I had realized what being a servant to Allah meant. A time when I realized that His Love is THE one that is worth pursueing, before searching for any others. And that it is useless to seek for any other love, that makes you neglect, and even go against Him.

Yes, I cried a lot there… hoping for forgiveness for forgetting that fact. And hoping that He can lead me on, and give me strength to overcome my own weakness, and strengthen my iman. If the 'someone' is meant for me, then allow me to focus first on what is important, my faith, and my studies. And if he is not, then may Allah grant me someone better then him, for myself, and my deen.

Looking back to those days, I think, alhamdulillah, that I have improved. Improved a lot, in terms of understanding and practicing my faith. And, although not always successful, I try, and still am, trying to put Allah's love in front of any others.

My dream? Of course, to go to Makkah and Madinah again soon, insyaAllah. This time, using my own money. When will that be? I pray that I may go there as soon as possible. That is, once I do have a stable income when I finished my studies, insyaAllah…

**this post is sort of like a diary… I don't normally disclose stuff about myself and my feelings, but this time I had. Hope the readers don't mind.